Where did Dean go...

Smoking cigaretts in this bed and watching the ice crusts outside.
That old guitarr melody keeps playing over and over in my head.
In the black pool time was swirling by and my old memories died.
Beautiful as a LP-cover, you are still missed between the sheets of my bed.

So where did Dean go?
I wonder if he'd ever show.
The beat's hero is now gone.
To me he made life seem fun.

The gray lightposts keep swinging in the wind on this quiet midnight street.
And your long black coat almost touch the dirty ground when you remove the hair from your face.
Like the beautiful sumersday when birds sang over the wheet fields, where should we meet?
Crucified when fall comes, there you stand looking up at me, your eyes full of grace.

So where did Dean go?
I wonder if he'd ever show.
The beat's hero is now gone.
To me he made life seem fun.

Won Ton Noddles with Bok Choy on Amoy Street

It's been perilous and dearing endevour coming across the globe to reach out for modelling. My journey has been fulfilling, not in what I first thought it would be. But I ransacked my soul and purged my limbs on this trip. I realized that it's alright you know. From Orchard Road to Sentosa Island, from Upper East Coast road to Marina Bay, Singapore was weird. But then again so am I.

Roskilde memories -04

I woke up, stood up, to drunk I fell to the ground, tumbling around, waiting to be lost and found. And Kitty-Kat was playing with a fire stick, while aussie Phil was reciting some random flick.
Caroline was wound up on dirty speed, screaming to some faceless chum to tend her need.
And little Stephanie was passing out as Steven roared a primal shout to Sean what the American dream was all about.
Some guys had a pond with a golden fish they'd bought last night.
And a heavy guy was trying to pick a fight with Andy who was blazed alight by som skunk he stole backstage, while Chris was making out with some Dead Kennedy punk.
I asked a brown eyed girl for a kiss, flunked out when i fell over and missed. By now i was way to pissed, so I sat in the mud, felt like dud and was about to blow. When Charlie grabbed my arm and dragged me to the show. Iggy Pop was the worlds forgotten boy when we danced in the rain. In those summer days everything was insane.

Confessions of a Vampire (survivor)

Ignore these heinous vibes man!
It had been a ruff day in the stinking forsaken city of Singapore, and some newfound friends had offered yours truely a pleasant chemical get-away.

Looking into the mirror I estimated that I had about half an hour of conciousness and rational thinking left, so I tipped my hat at the image and said see you tomorrow.

Ahh blessed angel child you! We're aligned on a different reality you and me. How could I ever be mad at you? And look at him! He's our rockstar God. All the children are happy now. We worship our chemical chewing gum God.
Haha is he talking with the kettel? Oh sweet Jesus he's flying high man!

It was around this time that things started to get out of hand. My big time nemesys was concoting a diabolic scheme in my head.

First of all Singapore is not a good city for taking hallucigenic drugs. As paranoia settles along with the rest of the experience, every knock on the door startles you into thinking that the Pigs are there to throw your ass in prison.

Looking over at Angel I saw big fangs growing out and blood sipping down her chin. And rockstar was chewing his lip looking at me as some hungry lion.

What the fuck is going on here?! The whole bunch is turning into fucking vampires. As yours truely started to get The Horrors, the rest of the room was laughing maniacly and growing fangs and cat eyes.

I need to get the fuck out of here!
-Someone pull back the curtain. I need sunlight!
-No! No fuckin' sunlight!
-You won't be able to leave here until nightfall.
-Haha!
-Haha!

By God I flee to the bathroom and stare at the frosted glas lightshow. Dolphines, whale sounds and ducks all shimmering with light calms me down slightly.

Then I hear the SMS ringtone and everything goes away. That's right I had texted Mocca Bearabout the whole vampire situation.

"Is Dr.Acula there? Haha!"

Holy bastard son of darkness, he's a vampire too! That son of a bitch set me up! I'm gonna cripple his ass for this! That is if I get out of here alive. My plan is to tell everyone that I'm gonna go and get some coffee.

-Ey guys, I'maa just gonna go and get some coffe right. Be back in no time.
I get to the lobby and realize I don't have any sunglases. God damn it, these pupils are diluted like saucers. Not safe yet, the Pigs might be outside, waiting for me...

-Uncle! Get me home!
I feel lucky to have escaped a vampire frenzy as I ride the blue cab home to the lush bussom of my small bed.

What did I learn? Don't do drugs in a country with deathpenalty on drugs. Specially not with people you don't know, because they migh turn out to be Vampires.

Can I put my pocky stick in your chocolat collon?

Seriously wtf mate. I'm not gonna write anything. A picture says more then words.

If you don't get the picture you're getting framed...

Mother do you remember all those times I passed out on our long drives home from Grandpa? How you carried me up to my bed with the SpiderMan sheets and pulled of my small clothes and my muddy shoes? Well I was awake everytime...

Now I'm older and I still miss those times. As the setting sun forced my eyes to shut when we where out picking forrest strawberries. How you thought me how to pin them on a straw to bring them home and eat the with milk and suger. The smell of the pineforrest right down by the seaside and the corse shrubbs scraping against my small child legs with to delicate skin. Hearing the seaguls and the clucking from the boats in the little marina.

And still your eyes shine with the same joy as then. Even though I'm older now, you're a grandmother now. And I know, I know, that I hope that I turn into you.

Seemingly unnoticable premontions in upsidedown land.

Weird days in the haze from the burning indonesian forrest. The winds of the great humming OM sent me on this strange journey to the otherside of mother Gaia.
Typing these lines in the giant Disneyworld called Singapore. Here you got it all folks! Hawaii beaches with pink dolphins and shoppping mall after shopping mall after shopping mall after shopping mall. The ancient asian mystique has be vaporized completely to make way for the devilish hordes of consumers! Have another fuckin slurpee with that hotdog you ununique excuse of protoplasm!

I thought:

As the cobblestones fly around your head, The mace gas burns your every orfice and germanshepards grunt to the beat of blue twirling sirens it suddenly all goes mute... The stone crashes through the protective visor of the riot unit, a mans face gets blood splattered. This is Social Warfare!


Check out my new photos on.. http://www.flickr.com/photos/42546174@N00/?saved=1

The pain is slowmotion like trees reaching for the sun

"And so I fall into the open, singin out your name. And when I'm done, crashed and mained. There's where you'll find me."

The summer has checked out for this time. Last warm rays spewing down on me as I type this. Everytime I miss "that feeling". the summers of my childhood that seemed to be perfected. Wild kids running around building fires. "Come on everyone, lets make burn higher!" Like cro mangons hurling out our primal screams of joy. Echoed forwarded in time to the pre-destined generation.

But they never show again.

So now yours truely has his feet strapped in the startingpostion. A brave new adeventure is on the rising and like rocketman I'm bursting away from it all. I'm gonna leave any minute now, burn my clothes and keep the sun in my eyes.

Haha yeah I can feel it rising the sun is pouring down and my shadow is fading. I'm running free faster then the speed goes. Sunflowers smiling now. It's all good yeah, it's all good. Tell my mother that I love her. It's starting now. haha yeah what the fuck was I talking about again?

The drums are snaring into each others. Hold tight now!

Fear and Loathing in Singapore!!!

I didn't do it he said, I was only robbing the register I'd hope you'd understand

"As we run fast, hurry through our life.
There is no pause, no save and continue on this game.
Like cave-paintings of horses we run mute and frozen hard in time. Obliged by our regrets and understatements.
We see the horror of age closing in, we try to run faster, to escape, to reach, to feel and obtain absolution.
We may tumble, we may fall, only to stagger back on our weary feet and retain yet again the momentum of haste.
With the idea that if we run fast enough, long enough we may enter the realm of immortallity.

By whom were we once given this idea?"



-sometime aroudn feb 06 in Milan.

Nicklas

Strange days in this land of notions. I think that is one of the best things I've ever written.

I got Koka Kola Veins, Sweden will know my name

I can't see much of the future in this foul year of our lord 2006.
Times they seem to run wickedly wild now, watches spin on and clocks stand still.
The morning after, yours truely, woke up in a hazy state of unrecognition.
The heinous taste of liqour walloing around the gum.
Dear god, what is this? oh yeah my bed. I woke up from a analgic sleep wondering if I had even sleept at all or did I just close my eyes and demetia struck me? Wait now just a minute, no point mentioning this to my cerebral cortex. Poor bastard will realize soon eough.
Vague hint of a girl that should be in my bed right now arises. But, what, ehmm, yeaaah there was supposed to be a fair lady next to me. I'm pretty sure she went home with me. Aha! Proof! The latex evidence curled up on the floor speaks of coital visit last night.
Sweet bastard son of god Jesus! Time to get a grip of your self man! - Keniah, you're still in the run to become americas next Top Model - Oh no! Not that shit! What evil bastard flips on this shit a this unholy hour? Annie! turn that shit of!!!
Apparently my angelic roomie didn't suffer a drunken frenzy last night and is up and runing. Well technically she's still in bed watching mind numbing TV-shows that must have emerged from the Sphincter of some high wired artist extraordineur at some fucking american think tank on Fox. -Those fucking swines! I'll cripple their ases for this. If I could just get out of bed and write them a letter explaning that they are satans offspring born without souls! Well, there will be plenty of time for that later. Now I must recollect some lost memories and by god drink a hell of a alot of water...

Unsigned on hype

Black Areoplane skrimish the sky,
packed with black blue and white rainclouds.
The killer in me is the killer in you,
my love.
Rocked to bed by the gentle tapping
of the areodynamic train.
Jesus died for me to you know.
Grow up to be politician or a,
Pornstar it's all the same.
Jesus died for me to you know.
The jungle drums beat over
the scanian wheatfields, and
the code of crows reign supreme.
I don't know you yet but love
you alike.
- On a train to yeah yeah yeahs

I died?

I woke up in the dawn inside a giagantic forrest. The trees loomed so high you couldn't see the foilage, just barrely make it out infront of a pearl white sky. The trees where all in a greyish tone and with trunks the size of an embrace. Neatly placed with maybe five-six meters apart. The forrest floor was covered in longaberry bushes as far as I could see. Think elven forrest. And everywhere in the shrubs there were like small beds made of the shrubs them self. Some bed where empty but most of them people where lying, child, man, woman, old and young everywhere. Everyone with a very calm expression dressed in with robes of silk.

As I walked along I could see faces I recognize, my mum, dad, some friends, a girlfriend etc etc. The air was thick of a syrén smell and the most hugmungus feeling of tranquillity fell over me like a blanket being place over me.

Suddenly there was a tap on my should. My dead grandmother stood beind me with a smile and as she huged me it feelt so real I knew I couldn't dream like this, or did I? I couldn't wake up in any case. She looked at me and asked me. What are you doing here child? I replied: Granny I have no idea where I am. Well, she said, you're dead love. This is where you come. Is this heaven? I asked. No child it's not heaven, this is where you wait for the ones you miss. Go and lay down by your love, she will feel your present when you do that.

So I did. I found her and layed down. Just as I was about to touch her face a burning sensation took hold of me and what can only be described as throwed or a launched me away, I could see the inside of my throath burning up, burning from inside. And it all went white again. I woke up without my breath and had to hyperventilate for a couple of minutes. I'm shit scarred of going back to sleep.

All the aborted babies will turn into little Bambies

The beauty queen grasped my heart again, she's squezing it's, gently but firmly.
In this vice yours turely now sit, stand and breath.
-Chinese masters comes between us,
talks in Haiku's, plastic venus.-
Atlas crumbled when I realize that time with her is slipping away fro me.
What ever happened to this. I can't concentrate my frined. It's dancing tube-socks around my head. And the sourmilk is running down my face and hair. Where am I again. Am I living the dream like people with narcoplecy?

Is this to the days that I never lived?
To the revolution that never came?
To the drinks that made me puke?
To the dreams I never understood?
To the cat that never loved me?
To the mother I could never comfort?
To the father I could never confind in?
To my sister I never binded with?
And to the brother that died?

But I'm still breathing.....

It's a state of mind

One pill makes you larger
And one pill makes you small
And the ones that mother gives you
Don't do anything at all
Go ask Alice
When she's ten feet tall

And if you go chasing rabbits
And you know you're going to fall
Tell'em a hookah smoking caterpillar
Has given you the call
Call Alice
When she was just small

When men on the chessboard
get up and tell you where to go
And you've just had some kind of mushroom
And your mind is moving low
Go ask Alice
I think she'll know

When logic and proportion
Have fallen sloppy dead
And the White Knight is talking backwards
And the Red Queen's off with her head
Remember what the dormouse said:
"Feed your Head
Feed your Head!"

The words of the prophet written on the subway wall

I observe and wonder on civilization around me.
Did every generation before us feel like this?
Did they also believe in that it would never be more then this?
Western world has reached saturation and it's fading or is it persisting?
It feels like we reached the equivalent of japanese society some 300 years ago, perfection within living but not with our fellow animal and humanbeings.
The food is geneticly modified to boost nutrition, transport is perfected to meet the demands of efficiancy, chair and sofas are egronomical to serve our bodies, there is ecological beer to dodge hang-overs, cars that run on electricity to minimize pollution, crops sprinkled with pesticieds to maximize harvests, computers to test everything from wine to blodpresure.
Is this the very peak of our existance? We have reached so many goals. Do we even want it more perfected?
Still our spirituality has been neglected, earth has been a launchpad instead of a sanctuary and collective conciuosness is rapidly fadeing. We teach children to roar with AK-47 and then blind them from sex. Love, peace and understanding crumbled under the presure of rasist bigot capitalist ironfist rulers.

Evolution now!

The truth has surfaced and enlightment is at hand!
The good news has arisen, time is now here.
The era of the father is over and the era of the child enters!
Illumination for every nation.
Lets stand pious and hurl the chains of lies from our ancles!
The guilty must repent for the thousand deaths.
The abundance of church, priest and dogma is absolute!
Divine sparks are inside us all.
As the Book of the Law dictated: Build thy self a warmachine and beseige the island in the ancient city.
YOU know best, YOU know the true nature of the divine, YOU can communicate with god.
You DON'T need church, You DON't need bible, you DON'T need priests!
Prosperity will rise and the cluthes of the corrupted horde of the so called rightous will let go.
It is time people, EVOLUTION NOW!

Take it easy

It was late -96 I discovered stress.
And the tempo has grown fat since then.
one have eaten your self full, sometimes just enough.
one have run focused, then turned and watched.
had pinned goals, one has rushed to get.
stretched for without reaching.
one have quit moving, given up all hope.
sometimes it's been enough with one jump up.
one have lost easily, and won hardly.
time has past but I can barely make it.
one wants the my hour passes fast.
forgot alot of fun, remember alot of sad.
the weeks pass in seven pieces of past.
I've smashed myself bloody, without hesitation.
so enjoy your ride while the boat floats.

Becasue time skips ahead, and we know that.
it can feel hard as hell, so you see that.
you have to take it easy sometime, and you know that.
otherwise you'll sink, so we see that.
Take it easy sometimes.
Take it easy sometimes.

It burns in the pocket when the money goes.
are you supposed to win you happiness on lotto, or what?
I push and pull, huff and puff.
work as hell, push until it breaks, until the lusts fade.
muscles tie, cramps 'cus you step on the same little places.
without warning new obstacles pop up.
the road's aligned with expensive sins.
Is it world events, heartattacks.
but isn't life something so fuckin' beautiful.
to fill you belly, to seize the day.
get moonshine on the long walk.
hard to relax, so one changes problems.
walk towards the light with a Sisyfos stone.
So look back, before the colors fade.
enjoy the rollercoaster ride!

Becasue time skips ahead, and we know that.
it can feel hard as hell, so you see that.
you have to take it easy sometime, and you know that.
otherwise you'll sink, so we see that.
Take it easy sometimes.
Take it easy sometimes.

I've complained, squeled, chickened out.
lost games, played, won.
hurried slowly, and passivly backwards.
'cus fast step I'm actually good at.
have stolen, carried, lied, cursed.
said stupid thing, saying cleaver.
driven a 190 until tomorrow morning.
pushed people to get something important.
the little things that break down the boring.
the ones you miss on your prioritylist.
everything is okay if I just get to enjoy the ride then and then where it goes.

Good Bye

Farewell Angelina

Farewell Angelina
The bells of the crown
Are being stolen by bandits
I must follow the sound
The triangle tingles
And the trumpet play slow
Farewell Angelina
The sky is on fire
And I must go.

There's no need for anger
There's no need for blame
There's nothing to prove
Ev'rything's still the same
Just a table standing empty
By the edge of the sea
Farewell Angelina
The sky is trembling
And I must leave.

The jacks and queens
Have forsaked the courtyard
Fifty-two gypsies
Now file past the guards
In the space where the deuce
And the ace once ran wild
Farewell Angelina
The sky is folding
I'll see you in a while.

See the cross-eyed pirates sitting
Perched in the sun
Shooting tin cans
With a sawed-off shotgun
And the neighbors they clap
And they cheer with each blast
Farewell Angelina
The sky's changing color
And I must leave fast.

King Kong, little elves
On the rooftoops they dance
Valentino-type tangos
While the make-up man's hands
Shut the eyes of the dead
Not to embarrass anyone
Farewell Angelina
The sky is embarrassed
And I must be gone.

The machine guns are roaring
The puppets heave rocks
The fiends nail time bombs
To the hands of the clocks
Call me any name you like
I will never deny it
Farewell Angelina
The sky is erupting
I must go where it's quiet.

It's simple, we don't want to kill

-Té, coffee?
-Sir, would you like té or some coffee maybe?
I snap out of delirium and realize where I am again. In a giant metal tube soaring among the clouds on an early friday morning somewhere above Italy or Austria.
-No thanks, I'll have a gin and tonic please.
-Well I don't know if we serve liquor this early in the morning sir.
-Well then I suggest you go and see if you do because I need to keep my buzz going so I don't get hung over in the air and if I don't get sedated pretty soon the little son of a bitch behind me is gonna celebrate his 7'th birthday as a cripple in a wheelchair! Thank you.

The night before this brutal incident me and the singapore slinger aka William had be out having some beers and been obnoxiously bored at the shitty discoteque called Hollywood (don't ever ever go there). Sitting at our new 'local' we had some nice laughs reminicing about times past and about future arriving. We get back to the appartment at a staggering four in the morning, I get a cats nap for 45 minutes until my taxi comes and roars me of to the airport. Through the dirty dirty streets of the fashion capital we zoom, in neighbourhoods I've never seen before. I'm sure that he's driving me of to rob me but I'm to hazy to even care.

A tired girl standing at the check-in counter melancolically agrees to let me check in my over-weight bagage, she's also to tired to even care. The only one who doesn't seem to be tired is this seven year old little brat running around screaming! -Man I hope they restrain him or atleast pop him some valium before we get on the plane-

Back to reality again! Té, coffee reality. Fucking kid shouting behind me, snoring guy besides me and buissness fucker infront tilting his chair even though I fight back with my knees. -*Plong!* Yes, can I get another Gin and Tonic please, ASAP!-

Looking down at the water from the train speeding over the giant bridge connecting Denmark and Sweden I see a mellow sunrise and as Catatonia sings 'make hay not war' in my speakers my soul feel peace. The steady tapping from the train rocks me into sleep until we arrive.

I'm back on allied gound again, my dearest of friends is here waiting for me.
-Lets go on a new adventure, shall we?
-Well ofcourse my friend!

"I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked,
dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix,
angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night,
who poverty and tatters and hollow-eyed and high sat up smoking in the supernatural darkness of cold-water flats
floating across the tops of cities contemplating jazz,
who bared their brains to Heaven under the El and saw Mohammedan angels staggering on tene- ment roofs
illuminated,
who passed through universities with radiant cool eyes hallucinating Arkansas and Blake-light tragedy among the
scholars of war,
who were expelled from the academies for crazy & publishing obscene odes on the windows of the skull,
who cowered in unshaven rooms in underwear, burn- ing their money in wastebaskets and listening to the Terror
through the wall, "

- Alan Ginsberg

In a very big way, I'm really small

I'm walking down Vittiro Emanuele with my peddigre chum William. I've been out and seen two agencies. Joy and Future. It's striked me kinda funny that five minutes after I sent out two emails to them both of them call me upp and want me to come and see them. Well I have now done that and a choice is to be made.

Holy mother of a thousand whores, it's THE GUY!!!!
When you look at him standing or well, trying to dance flamenco with a rose in his mouth and a pair of black supercalifragilisticexphialadociously tight pants which neatly sepperates the cock from the balls in two masculine packages. You kinda think dear lord what kind of sick joke is this? I mean poor guy!
Well I see a the most original guy in whole milan when I look. I've even seen him one time at a metrostop in the outskirts of Milan, still dressed the same way. He's for real!

Later at night I meet up with dear friends from fled times and had some laughs and some cocktail wiennies. It was great mum!

The present has gone. Fantasy is a part of reality, but we take the breaks off. We're thinking clearly, yet not thinking at all. This feels right. We stop trying to control things; a warm rush of chemicals through us. Is this brain damage? We forget all the hurt and pain in life. We wanna go somewhere else. We're not threatened by people anymore. All our insecurities have evaporated. We're in the clouds now. Wide open, we're spacemen, orbiting the earth. Yea, the world looks beautiful from here. We're nympholeptics, desiring for the unattainable. We risk sanity for moments of temporary enlightenment. So many ideas, so little memory. The last thought killed by anticipation of the next. We embrace an overwhelming feeling of love. We flow in unison. We're together. I wish this was real. We want a universal level of togetherness, where we're comfortable with everyone. We're in rhythym, part of the movement. We wave goodbye,. Ultimately, we just want to be happy. Yeah, yeah (laughs) What the fuck was I just talking about?

I feel so funny in my tummy, daddy don't touch me...

Once again I try to recollect my memories to produce a flowing context of my last days. Cyber space...

I'm standing in the prive area of plastic once again. This sublime post overlooking the dancefloor beneth. People are jumping, the song goes you're so lucky lucky lucky!! Well am I? Do i feel lcky? Personaly I feel this is bullshit, I'm drunk out of my head again and this guy keeps bumping into me! -Not a fuckin again dude!- i turn around to push the fucker away from me when who do I see that bumped into me? Skin from Skunk Anansie. She gently smiles and holds up her hands as a mute 'sorry'. Okay then, fair enough.

A day goes blurring by. My only memory from this day is that I realized that I really prefer my cigaretts squashed into squares. I think I'm going to market this idea, square fags. Well I probably the corporate whores will once again take my idea, pay me some money and then make it into a milion dollar campaign. Than again the idea of marketing death in a new form, square not round, kinda bugs me a bit.

Back at plastic, another day went by and the night arrived punctually as always. Music is pumping. -Ich habben dich nicht verstand- hurry hurry to the dancefloor everyone! Girls in dyed black hair with black and white striped sweaters everywhere. Snap back to reality. -Oh yes hello, my name is Nicklas. No I'm from Sweden. Do I know Jan Owe Wallner? Well not personaly but ofcourse I know of him.- It suddenly strikes me that I'm chitchatting to a fake blond lesbian who is a proffesional pingpong player! Well that is something I would never have guessed existed never the less that I would bump into one.

I'm going to be off pretty soon back to the real world it seems. To a jobb and a bar. To family and friends. To pink underlined pages and bad radio stations. To snow and kebabs at five o'clock in the morning.

"You used to ride in a chrome horse with your diplomat, who carried on his shoulder a siamese cat. Ain't it hard when you discover that, he wasn't where it's at. After he took from you everything he could steal. So HOW does it feel?"

She tied you to her kitchen chair

Next please.
Yes, arhm, I would like a ticket for Pesaro please.
28 euro.
The deal was done, I'm getting on the train to go on a four hour ride thru the italian country side down to the coast, where I can finaly breath some fresh air.
I sit down in a coupé, the train wont leave for another ten minutes. Jesus christ child you scared me. This young gypsy girl is beggig me for money. I give her 30 cents (which was all I had). She's not content with this and starts to do weird throat noises and shows me this green slime/spitt on the tip of her tongue and shoves out her hand for more money. God is she gonna spitt on me? look little girl I don't have anymore money on me, that was it all. With angry eyes she realize that I don't have more money and - I think is about to spit on me- when to my rescue a trainemployee comes and shoves her away.

Strangely I'm not mad or pist off. I'm bewildered about this child, that she is so desperate that she would acctually spit on people if they didn't give her money. - The train takes off -

After a couple hours ride suddenly and ofcourse, the baglady gets into my coupé with a whole weeks edition of newspapers, every single one, Corriere della Sera, Reppublica etc etc. She starts muttering something unrecognizable and picks up some pastries from one of her bags. This woman scares me. She looks like one of those middle-age women that have given up everything to fly of to Ukraine to teach underprivelidge retarded kids in the vicinity of Tjernobly.

Next stop, Pesaro!
Finaly I'm there. I run into Filipo (my model coprostitute for this trip) and we stand around outside the station smoking a joint and waiting for the guy to arrive. Taxi pulls up and this guy jumps out and greets us as Fabio. Off we roar! to a beauty/hairsalon. (Fabio is one of the owners of this asylum for divas as he called it) I'm thinking to myself what the fuck is he on about, there maybe 20 000 people living in this town, how many a-camp queers can there be? By this point Fabio directs us to the solarium part for taning. By the mercy of fucking J this man wont stop going on about how gay he is and well, yeah how gay he is. "You know I'm gay rarararara I only go to gaybars rarara". You're really getting on my fine nerves with that shit man!

We finaly get to the resturant, a nice seafood place just by the water. I'm famished and just want to eat. but noooooo first I have to go around all tables and say hello to every single fucking woman in the resturant - about 50 of them or so -. Ahh food atlast! Nooooo now some latino girl starts raving in the mic about the good old days when boys would ask the girls to dance. "Sooo go one Nicklas and Filipo ask any of these BEAUTIFUL ladies for a dance!". woopdyfuckindoo how much fun! Who should i pick? first one I see, that's good enough. So now I'm dancing slowdance with a pudgy italian girl to some 80'ies revival songs. And all i want to do is just eat and obliberate myself on Jack and Coke. Well that happens soon enough and around two a.m a taxi comes and takes me to the hotel, where I loot the minibar and the bathroom for soap, switch on the TV to some payperview shitty italian porn and fall asleep blissfully.

In the black star there's a red light

Delirious days have followed since last. The streets seem to have gotten a serene light from a spring weary sun.
Three girls are sitting on the tram looking at me. What are they looking at? They're really starting to break my fucking balls.
Anyways with another successful testshoot in my pocket I feel that the day has been fruitful. And tomorrow I venture of to Pesaro for a night of goneness and financial abuse of some rich italian guys money.

Saturday was a given night of the carnevale. A huge fuck off orgy of confetti, floats and some very weird transvestites. We decided to spend our night at le fantasique PLASTIC. The halls were deck with artificial snow that glowed in the ultra violet lighting. It broke of the floor from the black walls with orange and green neon bubbles on. Dancing like butterflies on mandrax and I glutenized happily in Jack Daniels and Coca Cola all night. The night came to an end around 6 am when we to flight on a homebound tram.

Swirling nights, delirious days and some thoughts about a cat on cocaine that deleted his myspace and moved to San Diego.

Live long and prosper (vulcan)

Extra add:
"He would have to roam the entir united states looking and look in every garbage pail from coast to coast before he found me embryonically convoluted among the rubbish of my life, his life, and the life of everbody concerned and not concerned. What would I have said to him from my rubbish womb? "Don't bother me, man, I'm happy where I am. You lost me one night in Detriot in August 1949. What right have you to come and disturb my reverie in the pukish can?""

If I had a bee on a string

The blond little girl shakes her head in a spastical frenzy, she screams into the mircophone.
The bass player is tumbling thru the railing on the stage down to the crowd. My god what is this?
-This is the band called Be Your Own Pet-

In the mist of this Criss and yours truely is jumping up and down, pogoing down on the italian crowd. Dancing like wasps, well more fighting to the ryhtm as William later called it. We're fumbling around the club, the plastic. A girl grabs my arm, pulls me down and tell me in poor english -You are so tall, you go in back because I can't see- Good God girl this is an electro-punk concert and the front is supposed to be a moshpit! Fuck off! Was my gentle reply.

The week had unrooled pretty nicely before this aswell. Hilarious conversations about bees on strings, dick-jockey's and and english kid going on about something like "I don't fuckin care I'm English, i want a fackin kettle."

So in rightwing fashion we nurture Xenophobia.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006


So in rightwing fashion we nurture Xenophobia.

I'm very and most surely confussed right now. Packing my bags in a hurry. The call to leave came suddenly I guess. I was going to stick around maybe find out a reason for my constant pursuit of this thing called happiness. I think I was very close this time. Very well, now a journey remains. As early as two hours ago I had argued with myself to stay. The reasons now seem bloated out, where there any?

The two honeybrown eyes closed halfway, lingered for a little while, then closed completely. like a cat being caressed to the point of sleepyness. - She is really what I think I been looking for. -
I suppose this was one reason......

These goddamn solitary moments of sangual blizzards gets to me hard. My blood and brain never liked to cooperate. I curse this mind of mine. Money, money always shouting money! - Will you make me laugh, will you make me cry, will you tell me when to live and will you tell me when to die? -

So here I am. just floated upon a beach on a plank of wood and styrofoam.
I hate this place. And it really seems to hate me aswell.

Well maybe I'll see her again somewhere.

In a strange and curious way the universe tends to work out fine.

Saturday, February 11, 2006


In a strange and curious way the universe tends to work out fine.

I've been tripping out on these spacecakes now for 4 hours. I never done this before. Looking around me everyones dancing and swinging from the roof. The colossal pounding of the strobe lights makes it hard to identify anyone - sweet jesus I just walked right through that kid. I close my eyes and take a deep breath for the perilous task of trying to walk across the dance floor, up the stairs and out to the smoking point.

With my eyes closed I feel the alcohol gently touching my spinalfluid like a warm syrup sliding down the erector spinae on it's way to tell my knees that they can go on a coffee break, loss of motor'skill is now well underway.
.... I better keep my eyes closed a little longer. The high-hat keeps it's rassling beat, a sound - like a screaming eagle - erupts and the music goes into a trance snare, faster swirrling - the snare drops and everyone burst into a collective attac on the dance. The green lasers circumsize every forehead in the euphoric crowd....

Made it out. omniuos guards seems to be closing in on me. Ignore this hienous paranoias inflicting your cerebral cortex... What was my purposed by going out here? And where is my wing-man on this here druged up club epic? Must have lost him to the crowd, a fine soldier. ... twisted, stoned, drunk... Good People!

Daylight! Another cake has gone to my head. The casting is back the my brother. Yes the secret handshake for models to know their kin. Like freemasons of stunning cheekbones and sculptured pecs.
- We don't need no baseball bats, we don't need no silver guns, what we got are face and names. -
- The tram rolls up behind me like malicious electric green dolphin, silent. Startled by this I jump back to safe distance agian. God dammit!
I gonna go home now, aw yes, sweet couch some camomilla tea to calm my poor nerves from the constant rape they've taken for so long now.

The city seemed to fade, evaporate or was it just me?

Thursday, February 09, 2006


The city seemed to fade, evaporate or was it just me?

I'm sitting on the stairs infront of the Duomo. Big burlesque gothic cathedral thing hawking of the masses, hordes of humans scouring around in the neo-modernistic plaza. Or is it Piazza? The monstrous iron gate to gods house are guarded by firearm wearing sentries. This is wierd, almighty God.

I'm rolling a cigarett and a rastafarian italian is coming up to me. Flipping a green lighter in my face. Weird moment, good guy though I think to myself, I'm gonna miss him.

My senses suddenly register something is mising in this postcard photo. By God! Where are all of the pre-pubescent italian girls with their banners? Shouldn't they be here by now? Cheering at Jesse McCarthney or Blue or who ever of the sugersweet slimey corporate popmusical whores? Where are they? Personaly I blame MTV.

The subway train on the red line direction Sesto F.S. is a reminder of 60ies thecnology still running in the infatile years of the millenium. It's smacked with mongering italians and what's this, a carneval of gypsies just got on. No man, No! Please don't serenade me with your carny music. There's even a little kid with violin.
The music don't provoke a singel reation in the masses of subway faces peering in the window to catch blackened reflection of them self.
The kid want money! Here take this, 50 cents.

Oh quick sidestep, evade those brown landmines on the sidewalk of this town that is whoremarked by them. I count atleast 58 cigarett butts and 9 dogshits on my breif walk from the metro to the apparment door.

Cheap wine in a drinking glas. I am pondering about all these people I seen today. What are their hobbies? Do they enjoy Bingo? Have they got any character or are they just clones of magazines and movies? Will anything they do matter? In 100 years they will all be dead. Every single one of the, the entire planet. So what makes a difference?
Well atleast it's been 14 C today....